last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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