Can i not drive my cunt home
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Dicks are not precious.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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