remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
