I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
