1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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