My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
