it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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