Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
