We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
