still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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