at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
