At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
