you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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