just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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