Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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