Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He better not be in your backpack
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize
