hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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