so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
