Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
