i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
