I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
