I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
