he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
