so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
