Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
