Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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