You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
