It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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