Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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