everyone is single if you try hard enough
Its about making memories worth repressing
two words: eviction party
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
