You kept calling me your small dog last night.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
