Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
