I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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