i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
