Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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