YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
