there's paper in my vomit.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
