dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he fucked my hip out of place.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
