respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
