"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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