I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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