why im i the only drunk person in the library?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
