I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I have fence marks all over my body
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
