Everything about him screamed your future.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
