Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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