I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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