I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
