# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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