I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
