Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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