sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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