I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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