3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
