please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
