At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
