Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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