i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
