haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
