So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
