You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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