So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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