I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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