i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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