I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
