We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
