Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
