My cat gives me a boner
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
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