I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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