i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
