Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
