carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize