Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
