so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
