she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
