Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
