Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize