my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
