the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
