She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
